Domestic violence survey on men is welcome step

Recently a high court judge had said in a seminar that if he went strictly by definition of Indian domestic violence act against women(PWDVA), he will be guilty of domestic violence on his wife.  Actually, if the domestic violence act was made gender neutral, his wife will also be guilty of domestic violence on him.  This is because the definition of domestic violence is defined to be very broad, and further a woman has simply to allege to get the wheels of justice (read: torture for men) in motion.

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Seeking to counter certain “exaggerated” claims made by some women’s organisations and in a bid to draw the attention of the government to the plight of men victimised by lop-sided laws drafted on the basis of such claims, men’s organisations in the city have now embarked upon the task of conducting a massive domestic violence survey.

    The results of the nationwide survey, widely believed to be the first of its kind for men in the country, will be used to find out if whether Indian men too are victims of domestic violence, the percentage of Indian men subjected to such violence and the kind of violence they are subjected to.

    The need for the survey has been triggered, it seems, by the controversial Domestic Violence Act - 2005, which seems to have been drafted on the assumption that only women suffer domestic violence.

    Says Suresh Ram, member of the All India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA), an NGO working for the rights of men and boys, “Certain women’s organisations have been stereotyping the issue of domestic violence. They have presented a picture that conveys the impression that only women are victims of domestic violence while we have with us global surveys and over 250 scholarly studies that show that women are at least as likely as men to engage in partner aggression and that partner violence is often mutual. This fact is established if one goes through the Domestic Violence Study conducted by a well known global organisation that
has done the survey in over 32 countries including India. However, the Domestic Violence Act in India offers protection to only women and not men.” He further adds, “So, to set things right, we men’s organisations have joined hands to ensure that a credible and transparent survey on the issue is done. Eight men’s organisations are involved in this effort which is being led by the AIMWA. We have begun negotiations with survey agencies to conduct the survey in certain cities of the country including Chennai, Delhi, Kolkata, Bangalore and Hyderabad. We intend to publish the results on Nov 19, the International Men’s Day.” So, what do they intend to achieve by conducting such a survey? Says Suresh, “We intend to create an awareness in society about the problems faced by men. We wish to present to them the real situation in society. We will also seek to draw the government’s attention to issues concerning men and reiterate our demand for setting up a National Commission for Men and a Men’s Welfare Ministry.” Men in the city are delighted with the move by the men’s organisations. Welcoming such a survey, Shankar, a graphics designer, says, “I certainly welcome the move. It is high time that facts were presented on this issue.” Women too seem to be for such a survey. Says Dakshayini Sampath, a media professional, “While I think that more number of women suffer domestic violence, it’s also possible that men are victims. I think the law should hold good for both genders and if this survey is going to help bring about a uniform law, then I’m all for it.”

Indian men facing domestic violence in New Zealand from wives

I found this story interesting in the sense that it is like an analogy to those stories of women being married to men in another country and then being made to work like slaves, and not given due respect.  Well, don’t blame everything on men.  See for yourselves what kind of abuse unscrupulous women are capable of:

Male victims speak out on marriage abuse

29/03/2010 13:16:00 Venkat Raman

Contrary to popular belief, women are not the only victims of family violence, failed or fraudulent marriages. An increasing number of men are beginning to speak out with horrifying tales of misuse and abuse, including false complaints to the Police.

Following our front-page story, India moves to end fraudulent marriages published in our March 1, 2010 issue, a number of male readers of Indian Newslink have contacted us to narrate their predicament, seeking justice from the Governments of New Zealand and India, stating that they are at their wits end.

While we have reason to believe the veracity of their statements, we have protected their identity for obvious reasons.

Wellington based Paramjit (not his real name) told us of the `extreme verbal and physical abuse' that he suffered soon after migrating to New Zealand from his native India where he married a Fiji-born woman resident in this country.

"I worked hard to keep my wife and my parents-in-law (joint family) happy. I soon adopted myself to the domestic and professional environment. Although I earn high income compared to many other people of Indian origin, I was subject to ridicule and humiliation both at home and in public by my wife. She often told me that I was useless and that it was due to her grace and mercy that I live in New Zealand," he said.

Paramjit said his life took a turn for the worse, when his parents from India came to live in New Zealand following the birth of his daughter.

"My wife started misbehaving with them as well. She made them do all the homework, look after our child – she started treating them like slaves. Whenever I questioned her behaviour, she would threaten that she would complain to the Police and have me arrested for domestic violence," he said.

Paramjit said the abuse became so unbearable that he once contemplated suicide.

He recently left his wife to live with his parents.

There are at least three such cases in Wellington, currently under our investigation.

East Auckland resident Ramesh (not his real name) had a similar experience.

The young man, from Karnataka in South India, married a young woman, born and raised in New Zealand, hoping for a happier life.

He has a successful career as an engineer, but at home, he is a nervous wreck.

"This person, who calls herself a woman, has no love or care for me and our only male child, who is now three years old. I have been married for five years now, but life is hell. I do all the housework, including cooking, washing and cleaning, after a long day at work. Sometimes I do shift duty but that does not mean a thing at home. I still have to do all the work," he said.

He said his wife liked to have parties at home with friends and their families at least once a month, at each of which he becomes an object of ridicule.

"She takes great pleasure in announcing to her friends that I am a good-for-nothing man and that she had made the greatest mistake in marrying me. I have often talked to her about divorce but she simply does not care. I continue to suffer," he said.

Ramesh has not contemplated leaving the house and living separately, for fear of upsetting his aged parents in India.

But the case of Satish (not his real name) in Central Auckland was among the worst that we have heard during our interviews.

Born and raised in a poor family in India, Satish was married to a rich woman of Indian origin in New Zealand less than a year ago.

"I came to this country on a visitor visa to live with my wife, her parents and three brothers. Three days after my arrival, I was asked to do all the housework. I obtained a work permit with the help of a friendly neighbour. They would still not help me in cooking and washing. My wife and I have a joint bank account and I do not get a cent for personal expenses. Life is hell," he said.